Plus, Florida, it's one hell of a drug

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Monday, August 24, 2026

 

Me just trying to feel bonita. [Georgia Aquarium]

Beyond the pale

Rudely named shades of makeup that perfectly match my skin tone:

Iron Deficiency

Tooth Enamel

The Pasty Underbelly of a Hairy Dog When You Look Really Close

Photoallergic Reaction

Cauliflower Pizza Crust

Your Grandma's Talcum Powder

Cumulonimbus Clouds

White Onion on a White Plate

Beluga Whale

Pillsbury Biscuit Dough

Boiled Chicken with Cream Cheese and White Rice

A Flock of Doves Released at a Winter White Wedding

Hazmat Suit

Whole Mozzarella Ball Eaten in a Fit of Depression

Bechamel on an Egg White Omelette

The Strip of Skin Under a Wedding Ring

Mayonnaise 

* Not really, however: I know recommendations were last week, but I recently bought this Merit Perfecting Complexion Stick, and it's fantastic, smoothing, natural, conveniently packaged, easy to apply, not messy. Love it. Unfortunately, I was dismayed to learn my exact color match is called... "Bone."

I need a tan.

 
 

Alexa, play 'Florida' by Taylor Swift. [MARTHA ASENCIO-RHINE] | Times]

Florida, man

How did we do, voters? Only about 25% of registered voters turned out to the Florida primaries, which is to be expected but is also disappointing. I'm not sure if everyone realizes how many non-partisan races are part of primaries, from school boards to county commissions to judges. 

Anyway, Florida produced a very Floridian set of results. Analysts who read political tea leaves have an interesting set of data on their hands.

For governor, a Republican-turned-Independent-turned moderate Democrat is going up against a MAGA Republican who can't get endorsed by the sitting governor due to party infighting. An underdog progressive with just a sliver of her competitor's financial backing SURGED ahead to win the primary for U.S. Senate. And then there's the school board in Sarasota, the former political home of Moms for Liberty co-founder Bridget Ziegler, who was embroiled in a bonkers sex scandal. I attended that public meeting a couple years back, and it was bananas. People brought POPCORN to the packed chambers to watch her be dressed down. That board? Flipped to the left.

I'm not even wonkish, and it's all fascinating. While the mix of choices might not add up for outsiders, it feels accurate to those of us who live here. Here's why.

Read it: Florida voters are as unpredictable as the state itself

One anecdote:

During the last presidential election, I lived in a different neighborhood. A couple across the street inhabited a house divided: one for Trump and one for Biden. They both put their preferred campaign signs in their yard near a pile of gravel. Every day as I walked the dog, I noticed the Trump sign and the Biden sign had switched places on top of the hill.  

Florida!

 
 

And another thing!

Oh, no. Gap is bringing back its GRASS perfume. This will elicit specific sense memories for a select handful. Join me in teleporting back to 1999. Let's stand over the fragrance table while clutching a fistful of discount tank tops and trying to convince ourselves that it's desirable to smell like a lawn.

Contact Stephanie Hayes at shayes@tampabay.com. Follow @stephrhayes on Instagram. 

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