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I’ve been giving a lot of thought to the difference between reactions and responses. My own need for growth as a leader is at the heart of it, but I suspect there is something important in the comparison for all of us. |
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Without being too rigid, reactions can be described as something we say or do as a reflex to stimuli of some kind. Reflex is the key word. I blink when something approaches my eyes. My leg twitches when a doctor taps my patellar tendon. I instinctively resort to "fight or flight" in the face of threatening circumstances. |
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Reactions like these can be good, healthy, self-protective moves taken with little to no thought which shield me from danger. But I’m learning that some of my reactions are fueled by painful, past experiences, and anchored in a defensive posture—based on assumptions—that undermine relationships of all kinds. |
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Responses, on the other hand, begin with, and then follow an attentive pause. They are more a product of conscious agency or volition instead of instinct, and rooted in thoughtful engagement with what is known. Responses avoid the hazardous practice of writing stories or filling in blanks where the facts remain to be seen. Curiosity governs words and deeds instead of confident assertions about what is yet unknown. |
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I wonder if leaders most naturally lean into their reactions as a way of navigating the challenges and opportunities they encounter? Leaders are typically decisive and willing to take the initiative, qualities that the people they serve probably appreciate a great deal. If those qualities, however, are more reactive than responsive, they can land more like control than care. That is feedback I’ve been given, particularly related to how some have experienced me in high stress, high stakes situations. |
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I’m comfortable, even secure, making quick assessments, synthesizing data, forming solutions, and taking swift action. I learned to navigate life that way from an early age, much like a kid who is forced to figure it out on the streets. As a result, I’ve developed a resilience that has served me well when difficult circumstances come my way. The downside is my tendency toward independence and self-reliance, two traits that don’t promote deep, trusting relationships vertically with God, or horizontally with the people closest to me. |
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Speed has become a crucial factor in whether I react or respond these days. And, as the safety campaign ads have said for decades, "Speed kills!" So, I’ve adopted a saying I recently came across, "Slow is smooth, smooth is fast." I know it’s been around awhile. I guess I’m a little late to the party. |
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Attributed to military special ops, the idea is to avoid costly errors by slowing down and acting methodically while in chaotic, high stakes moments. Responding instead of reacting involves slowing down, taking a breath, paying close attention to the Holy Spirit and the person in front of me, and asking curious questions about what is stirring me up inside. Developing this as a habit is leading (slowly but surely) to wiser decisions, stronger relationships, and a greater sense of peace and joy. |
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I’m grateful to be on this leadership journey with you. Let’s pray for each other this week, that we would respond to all that life brings in a manner worthy of the calling to which we have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love (Ephesians 4:1-2). |
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Executive Director of CT Pastors |
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