| Dear Carolyn: My wife and I have a son, 24, and a daughter, 22. Although he got pretty good grades in high school, our son did not want to go to college right away — he wanted to “do something” and “see the world.” So he enlisted in the Navy right out of high school. Since then, he has gotten rapid promotions and received many commendations. He also took college classes online, paid for by the Navy, from a reputable university and has earned a bachelor’s degree. His two duty stations have been over 1,000 miles from us, so he can’t just come over for the weekend. When not at sea, he calls about every three weeks, and we have nice conversations. He has also taken two weeks’ leave on several occasions for pleasant visits with us. So why am I writing to you? Ever since joining the Navy, our son does not acknowledge in any way my or my wife’s birthday or Mother’s or Father’s Day. We don’t expect presents, but it would be nice to get a card or an e-card, or even a phone call to wish us happy birthday. When the kids were growing up, we always made big deals about everyone’s birthday and also celebrated Mother’s and Father’s Day. In her early teens, our daughter was diagnosed with significant, permanent medical conditions that required a lot of our time and by necessity meant she got more attention than our son. But it wasn’t as if we ignored him. I volunteered with his Boy Scout troop and attended most of the meetings. But still we wonder if he has some deep-seated resentment about our daughter getting more attention, and not recognizing these days is his not-too-subtle way of showing it. Or perhaps this is fairly common among Gen Z’ers. We don’t want to mention it directly, because then he might start to acknowledge those events and it would come across as forced and insincere. Your opinion would be appreciated. — Dad |
