| Adapted from an online discussion. Dear Carolyn: My partner and I both like to go out for meals and drinks with friends, and we moved to our current neighborhood, which is a social hub, to make this possible. However, after 2-3 hours, I’m ready to call it a night and be alone or together just the two of us, while he almost always wants to stay out longer, socialize more, maybe hit a second bar or restaurant. When we’re with people he knows well, he doesn’t mind if I want to go home without him — though walking through the city at night alone isn’t my favorite thing — but if it’s a mixed group or a couples outing, he pressures me to stay longer and will never make promises about when he’ll be ready to leave. We end most nights with me exhausted and in shutdown mode, snapping at him, and with him getting defensive. That’s enough of an issue, but now we are trying for our first baby, and his expectations of what that will be like are unrealistic. For example, he will point out that a favorite haunt stocks high chairs (though they are rarely in use), or he will comment that our friends can take turns holding the baby so that I can enjoy my drink in peace (I have never seen a mom be able to do this during a late-night bar crawl). Am I ignoring signs this person isn’t ready to grow up? Or are these classic “extrovert problems”? — Extrovert’s Partner |
