| Dear Carolyn: A year ago, I met my soulmate. We are both divorced and have children. Everyone was getting along great, and we fell in love and made plans to marry, buy a house and merge households. I was pinching myself I was so happy! Then in September, my boyfriend made a joke that my 15-year-old daughter considered offensive. He apologized profusely, but my daughter refuses to accept his apology or speak with him. A few months ago, I told her we will be getting married and buying a big house for us all to live in together this summer, and she flipped out. She has had severe anxiety since she was 13 — which we are working on, but, of course, it complicates things. Family gatherings are icy now, and she often yells, stomps around, slams doors, etc., when he is in my house. I feel torn between my daughter and my boyfriend. I have my own therapist, my daughter has her own therapist, and we have started family therapy together. My boyfriend and I feel like we don’t want to “give in to her” and reward her bad behavior, but we are both legitimately worried about potential negative effects on our relationship and his two boys (ages 9 and 12). Sometimes I feel like saying, “Look, kid, this is what I’ve chosen, and you need to accept it.” But that just seems so harsh. I would love some advice. — Daughter vs. Boyfriend |
