"I just assumed people would notice."

Lisbon is full of quiosques.

Quiosques are little kiosks in every park and plaza where locals meet for coffee, snacks, and sunshine.

I used to live in Lisbon. One day, a few years ago, me and my girlfriend were hanging out at one of our favorite quiosques in Lisbon. It’s located at Jardim Avelar Brotero, a small yet cosy garden in the middle of a residential neighborhood in Santo Amaro, Alcântara.

Out of nowhere we hear someone screaming “Somebody help me!”

You see, there’s a water fountain in the middle of Jardim Avelar Brotero. And that day 3 municipal maintenance workers were repairing the water fountain pump.

Near the fountain there’s a manhole. And one of the municipal workers was inside doing some maintenance work. Then he came outside to do something else for a few minutes, but he left the manhole cover open.

Minutes later a 70-something-year-old man fell into that 10-foot-deep uncovered manhole.

So one of the municipal workers jumps in to save the poor old man. Then someone calls 112 (Portugal’s equivalent to America’s “911” emergency number).

A few minutes later 2 firefighters show up and ask what happened.

One of the municipal workers says, “An old man fell into this open manhole.”

The firefighter asks, shocked, “So where’s the sign saying Warning: Open manhole?”

The worker shrugs and replies, “Well… I just assumed people would notice.”

Here’s the thing.

Most websites behave exactly like that municipal worker.

They assume visitors already know what they do. Headlines are vague. The copy is full of buzzwords. And most people leave within five seconds.

The truth is, leaving your headline vague is like leaving a manhole uncovered.

Someone will fall. And most will never come back.

The truth is, your website isn’t a guessing game. But most brands treat it like one.

And every day your homepage stays vague, someone else falls in.

They came. They looked around. They felt nothing. So they left. But the worst part? You never knew why. And tomorrow, it happens again.

As a matter of fact, the problem usually isn’t your product. It isn’t your design. It’s the copy. And what those words make a stranger feel in the first three seconds.

I’ve spent 15 years writing copy for startups and DTC brands. And the same three manholes show up on almost every homepage I read.

A headline that describes what you do but gives the reader no good reason to stay.

Bland, lifeless, vanilla copy that sounds like it was written for an investor deck, not for a human being.

A CTA that says “Get Started”...but the real question is, started on what, exactly?

So I built something to solve this.

Introducing The Homepage Post-Mortem.

It’s a 10-minute teardown video. It’s very simple, really. I read your homepage out loud (Cold, as a first-time visitor). And then I tell you exactly what a stranger sees. No pleasantries. Just the unfiltered verdict.

Then I give you three things that are killing your conversions. And three rewrites that show you what fixed looks like.

This is not a report. This is not a fancy deck. And certainly not 99 recommendations you’ll never ever implement.

You get 3 friction points, named directly.

You get 3 rewrites, ready to use (all you have to do is copy and paste).

And one 10-minute teardown video in your inbox.

You send me the URL. I find the open manholes. And I show you exactly where they are.

All this for only $199. That’s less than most brands spend in less than 1 hour on a single Facebook ad that nobody reads (except maybe bots).

But one fixed headline (one manhole covered) can change what happens to every visitor who lands on your homepage from this day forward.

So if you’ve been quietly suspicious that something on your homepage is off...

If your website kinda feels like a Museum Gift shop everyone visits but no one buys a damn thing...

If you’re puzzled because people land and leave for a reason you can’t quite name...

These are the 10 minutes that tell you the reason.

→ Book your Homepage Post-Mortem here.

Send me your URL. I’ll send you the verdict.

No Zoom Calls required.

I record one video teardown a day. You’ll have yours within the week.

And if you’re still on the fence... imagine that municipal worker, shrugging,“I just assumed people would notice.”

Don’t be that guy.

P.S. I’m only taking 10 Post-Mortems this month. Not for fake scarcity reasons, but because each one gets my full attention and I refuse to rush them (that’s why I record one a day). Meaning, when the 10 slots are gone, the waitlist opens. →Book now if you want the verdict next week.

Your pal,

Miguel Ferreira

🚀 Founder Teardwn | Fractional Copy Chief for DTC and eCommerce startups
💌 Newsletter: Creative Samba
🏂 Side projects: 🐶 Goob Hotels + ✍🏼 Nobody Reads Ads + 💭 I’m selling snackablecopytips.com. Make me an offer