Wayne Rooney, Tom Brady and a serving of ultra-processed beef

Today’s Football Daily would like to start with the topical events of 15 February 1983. That was the day Manchester United outplayed and outviolenced Arsenal in the first leg of their Milk Cup semi-final at Highbury. United won 4-2; they were 4-0 up after 80 minutes before taking their foot off Arsenal’s throat, and shinbone, and head. “Perhaps we’ve been concentrating too much on passing and technique,” lamented Don Howe, Arsenal’s head coach and assistant to the manager, Terry Neill. “Against United we went out to strike the ball about instead of putting some meat into the game.” In 1980s English football, there was no place for veganism. Things have changed since the days when ABH was a bookable offence, and only then after the first 10 minutes, but English football still has a pretty noxious meat footprint.

In 2025, English society, never mind football, is addicted to beef. You know it’s a weekday when a relatively minor difference of opinion between two adults is reported using the kind of language once reserved for a bloodbath involving the Five Families. Today’s beef involves two football legends: Wayne Rooney (association) and Tom Brady (American). In case you missed it – if you did, get out while you still can – Rooney’s work ethic during his time as Birmingham City manager was questioned by Brady, a part-owner of the club. This emerged in a documentary at the end of July, seven months after Rooney was sacked by Birmingham – but this ultra-processed beef ain’t got no sell-by date, baby. “I’m a little worried about our head coach’s work ethic,” said Brady. “I mean, I don’t know, I don’t have great instincts on that.” Rooney waited a couple of weeks to reply publicly, coincidentally via the medium of a new podcast that he’d be plugging desperately, if only there was a story he could sell. Remember the name: The Wayne Rooney Show.

Actually, we shouldn’t throw shade at Our Wazza. We’re all selling something these days, whether it’s a podcast, a Substack or our last dapple of dignity. And we’re all buying what everyone else is selling, a world of dopamine nutters in desperate need of just one more hit. “I think it was a very unfair comment,” said Rooney, before explaining that Brady’s only visit was the day before a game, when everyone’s workload is generally lighter. “I don’t think he really understood football that well at the time.” Rooney went on to call Brady an abject, NKOTB-loving motherf- no, of course he didn’t. He called him “one of, if not the greatest athlete of all time”. His tone was reasonable throughout, even if he undermined his point slightly by saying the NFL season only lasted three months.

Rooney concluded by putting the whole thing in an appropriate context. “Bit disappointed but nothing too serious, so move on.” That quote wasn’t used by the BBC, broadcasters of The Wayne Rooney Show, but they did have sufficient grasp of nuance to put together a graphic for their news story that screamed THE BRADY BEEF. Football Daily isn’t claiming to be any better. We’re eating beef right now, FHS, and we’ve got enough in the fridge to take us through to at least May 2026. But deep down – to nick a line from our progenitor The Fiver – we know it’s time to STOP BEEF. And maybe, if this jejune culture gets much worse, to STOP FOOTBALL.

“In medical terms, the operation succeeded but the patient died, so not that good in the end. But we worked on a gameplan that was a little bit different and very close to succeeding” – Thomas Frank, having failed to cure Tottenham of historic ills, reflects on losing Biggest Cup on penalties to PSG. In doing so, Frank echoed the words of Danish compatriot Ebbe Skovdahl, who said the same after his Aberdeen team lost, er, 7-0 to Celtic in 2002.

With reference to yesterday’s Football Daily (full email edition), in which your contributor was bemoaning the lack of alternative monikers for a goalkeeper, may I be so bold as to proffer a few enhancements to their vocab? For starters, there’s goal minder, glovesman, custodian, netminder, No 1, sticksman, backstop and, of course, shot-stopper. For those seeking a more left-field nickname, try these for size: guardian (no, not that one) of the onion bag, net ninja, glove wizard or, indeed, the good old last line of defence. I should get out more” – Peter MacLeod.

Given the fiasco of foreign footie fandom that Rob Ford described [Wednesday’s letters], maybe it’s time an English club of limited local loyalties takes advantage of La Liga’s newfound love of overseas matches and moves to the Costa Brava, offering competitive football at regularly scheduled times to ex-pats and disaffected locals alike … CB Dons, it’s your time to shine” – Declan Hackett.

Spurs playing very well and yet losing to a PSG team that only had one week of training since the end of last season, only really had Vitinha in midfield until the vastly underrated Fabián Ruiz came on in the 60th minute, and offered up the funniest Keystone Cops-style defending since Spurs’s 4-0 defeat to Bayern last week? Of course the Spurs(y) manager is rightly ‘Very, very proud’” – Noble Francis.

If you have any, please send letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. Today’s winner of our prizeless letter o’ the day is … Peter MacLeod. Terms and conditions for our competitions, when we run them, can be viewed here. 

On Thursday 11 September, join Max Rushden, Barry Glendenning and Football Weekly all-stars Jonathan Wilson, Nicky Bandini and Jonathan Liew for an evening of breathtaking beautiful game punditry at Troxy in London. The pod will also be livestreamed globally. Book now.

This week has seen Marcus Rashford invite Gary Lineker and Micah Richards into his new Catalan home, and espouse the wonders of what he has found there. Now, can he actually play in La Liga? Barcelona, like last year, are having problems registering players, and are currently barred from registering new signings because their spreadsheets are missing the mark with La Liga’s strict guidelines. They just managed to register keeper Joan García but only after Marc-André ter Stegen signed off on a sicknote to confirm he will be off for four months with back knack. Rashford, García, Wojciech Szczesny and Gerard Martín don’t have official squad numbers yet. To get them playing, Barca suits must lay down hefty personal guarantees. No pressure: Rashford’s Liga debut is supposed to be on Saturday at Mallorca.

As a child in Brazil, Dilma Mendes was detained by police on several occasions just for playing football – but went on to forge a coaching career and discovered the legendary midfielder Formiga. Now, they’re teaming up to try to lead the hosts to seven-a-side world championship glory. Mendes got her chat on with Júlia Belas Trindade in the latest edition of our women’s football newsletter.

A banner reading “Stop killing children – Stop killing civilians” was displayed by Uefa before the Super Cup final, while two refugee children from Gaza were involved in the medal ceremony.

Paul Doyle, the man accused of deliberately driving into fans at Liverpool’s Premier League victory parade has been charged with 24 new offences, including attempted grievous bodily harm against two babies.

Premier League ref supremo Howard Webb has suggested the video assistant referee system could be expanded to include yellow cards and corners. What could possibly go wrong?

Liverpool’s summer of spending continues with ... no, not Alexander Isak, not even Marc Guéhi, but Giovanni Leoni, the 18-year-old Parma centre-back. “The clubs have agreed a deal but he has not signed for us yet,” roared Arne Slot, increasingly resembling Richard Pryor in Brewster’s Millions. “The moment he does, I can go into more detail.”

Championship transfer news: Wrexham are to sign Ipswich’s Nathan Broadhead, the ninth addition to Ryan and Rob’s merry men this summer.

The Worthington Cup second-round draw has sent not-so mighty Manchester United travelling to Grimsby. Wednesday’s first-round matches saw a well-timed win for Sheffield Wednesday, who beat Bolton on penalties. Elsewhere, Sheffield United’s Gustavo Hamer scored from miles out but Birmingham’s Brady bunch prevailed, and League One Huddersfield beat Leicester in a shootout.

And Sunderland have appointed Granit Xhaka – whose mum always handed the house keys rather than big brother Taulant – as their new club captain. “I’m a winner and I want to win – and I expect the same from my teammates,” roared the younger Xhaka.